water colour memories

As I ponder what to write the tick of the clock marches on in the back ground and the distance between then and now continues to grow.

Time blurs the edges a bit and the important stuff stays, but I find it hard now to recall your laugh and doubt whether my memory of your voice is quite right.  Your smile though that will always stick.

22 years is a long time to miss someone.  The older I get and the more I see and do, like experiencing the love of your own family, the chance to get married, the buzz of holding your first house keys the more I wish you got a chance to feel it too.

I still have not completed Sneaky Snakes by the way, your old Gameboy is safe but you would love how computer games have changed, 3D, colour so many interactive games, but Tetris is always being reborn and is much a favourite now as back then.

We are taking our son to Disney this year, I know it will remind me of you.  I still have your glass proudly sitting in my cabinet, one of the gifts you bought yourself when you visited just as it opened.  I have never forgiven myself for loosing the Minnie Mouse pin badge you bought back for me, I had worn it to France as a lucky mascot on my first trip abroad and lost it near the Eiffle Tower.  I always imagine a child picked it up and your kindness has been shared once more, now we call it 'paying it forward' - you would have liked to have been involved in that.

 I remember your Grandad turning up at my door with this box of your things - a koala, your Euro Disney medal for being one of the first to visit and the glass, your beloved Gameboy and your last school photo.  He told me that in your notebook at the top of the page it said "Invite Kate to tea" - that would have been lovely.

We were the young ones in our year and I dealt with your loss poorly.  I did not know what I should feel or do, I told Mum and Dad in such a rush it was almost like I had read a newspaper article, or seen it on the news.  No tears.  They took a long time to fall.  11... we were just 11.

I hope you never minded I did not say goodbye with everyone else, it felt wrong and odd and overwhelming.  I took a long time writing my message to you though, I wanted it just right and I stood and remembered as I left your flowers after everyone else had gone. Little girl lost.

Mischevious
And
Really
Kind

You in a nutshell.  Though it could have easily been Marbles, Adventures, Real Kindness...

Oh marbles, hours and hours on dirty drain covers, talking about aliens and dreams of waking up and exploring the fields whilst families slept.  Childhood memories which I hold dear even if they now appear more like a water colour than in full HD.

Forever young... your dreams of archeology remain untarnished by the possible struggle to get grades or having to find the funding for Uni.  You have not made teenage mistakes or had the kind of arguments that cannot be truly undone.  You are in a time freeze, a snap shot of childhood.

I talk about you to my son... he has a very special friend too, they have been together since the first day of Primary school - best friends who fall out, make up, find new friendships but are always drawn back together.  I tell him how brilliant it is to have a friend like that, that being friends with a girl is magical and marvellous and I had a special friend like that too. I show him the special marbles I still have, and talk of seeing you walking your dog in the field and that 2p you found and gave me so I could go and buy sweets.

Thank you for such a wonderful friendship - thank you for giving me stories to tell with a smile as I see my sons eyes light up with the same mischief you held.  Thank you for sending another friend my way after you left... your loss drew me to him, one of ones you made in those first bumbling months of secondary school, thanks to him my teenage years were filled to the brim with silliness and fun just as you would have wished.

See you some day buddy... hope I am doing you proud,

Me x

More than a test score

Dear Kids,

I think as a grown up it is time to let you in on what seems to have been kept as a bit of a secret...

School is not everything.  

There, I said it and I now half expect someone to whisk me away and lock me up for high treason.  Yes it is a huge part of your childhood and adolesence and the foundations you set for yourself as you enter your life of grown up-ness... but I am fed up of you all worrying and believing your whole worth throughout your education (and into adulthood)  is being judged on your ability to recognise verbs, adverbs, new grammatical terms I have never come across, algebra, the underlying themes of to Kill A Mockingbird, getting every spelling you have ever been given right every time.  I am truly baffled how people think you will cope as an adult when you are led to believe that succeeding in the world is only based on getting the best score in exam and test papers... because it is not.

Yes, you do need maths to fill in a tax return... but you don't need to have ace trigonometry to do it.

You do need to read to sign a contract... but knowing the underlying themes and subtext of all Shakespeare's plays to A-C GCSE grades won't really help you (unless it is a contract for the lead role in Hamlet at the RSC).

It's important to know that water and electricity don't mix and which colour is the live wire in a plug... but reciting the periodic table is not needed when you are stood in Homebase looking for the right sized fuse.

I worry that you believe grown ups think you should be able to do EVERYTHING that is now expected of you at school at the correct level, that you fail us and yourselves if you don't find it easy to pick up and that we will be cross and upset if you find it all hard going, but in reality... don't fret young Skywalker.

Give me your year 9 maths homework and I know I won't be able to do it, the expectation of you to suck up information is far greater than when I was in school in the 90's and I probably never ever covered the work you are now bringing home.  Year 6's are now studying English which was once around the level of yr8 curriculum... bonkers!  Be assured that as parents we know you are really being pushed, and a second secret is that many of us feel a little uneasy about it.

I fear Education has lost it's way a bit and I know it must seem like it's your school or teachers fault but (this is where I stand up for them) it's not.  Teachers and Head Teachers do what the Council / Government tell them to.  On paper that is fine as everyone is doing the same thing making education fair and unified - but when your ex education minister resembles a potato with glasses, and the new one has the job because she though about being a teacher once for five minutes whilst looking to buy a pet hamster, you can see why there may be flaws.  Teachers themselves have very little say in what's being included in the curriculum and they also have little control over how it is taught as they are busy trying to tick so many different boxes just to keep OFSTED happy.  I think you will agree it is daft Teachers are not being allowed to just 'do their jobs' when they are the ones with you guys all day, knowing how you tick and what they need to do to motivate you and help you learn in a interesting way which sticks.  Sadly the Government thinks that the solution is not to trust the teachers (cause that is a stupid idea obvs)  but to add more tests and measurements to gauge if you are learning the things the teachers have little time to teach you because they are now so busy testing you!

I do not want you believing that your worth as a person is based on your score sheets, what table you sit on in class and how quickly you recite your times tables.  Yes, education is very important and we are so so lucky to live in a country where it is free and statutory, you do need to know basics on history and English and maths and science and  you do need to know your way around technology and how to code in today's world, but you don't have to be the best at it to succeed out of the school gates.  It is fine not to want to be a Dr or a lawyer - it is fine to dream of being a gardener or electrician (I don't think you get told this enough)  not everyone is academic, just as not everyone is practical or sporty... and that is OK.

Having different strengths is OK, this is the bit I think the education system has forgotten.

You are not a test paper... you are you because some things interest you and some don't.  You may rock it at swimming, or you may be the best piano player in your school but spelling is a struggle and this effects your grades - remember you are not a failure, you have a given talent that not everyone is blessed with.

You may be the one people go to for support and kindness when they are struggling, you may be the one who makes people laugh and helps the younger children feel safe but still can only get up to your 4 times table by memory... your role as an sympathiser and figure people feel they can trust can't ever be taught.

So yes, work you hardest, try your best and please never give up... but when you feel like you have given everything you have and it is not enough just remember that grades do not make you... you.


And don't even get me started on the idea of a longer school day!

Keep trying,

A Mum

A paws to say thank you - goodbye dear friend

Dear F,

I can sense my edges are all faded,

That my outline's a little smudgy. 

My coat feels a little duller, 

And my paws are a little grubby.

I spend most of my time in the shadows,

Left watching as you play. 

Remembering how once you needed me,

I fear I am fading away.

I know soon I shall be leaving,

Though it is not something I want to do.

Over years I have watched you achieve and grow,
And I am so very proud of you.

You seem taller by the minute,

In height and self esteem,

You have truly been the most wonderful friend,

We made a perfect team.

The time has come where I'm so faint,

One morning when you wake,

You will no longer be able to see me at all,

Your trusty Cat in a Cape.

It will be as if I was never there,

I will just silently depart.
And as the echoes of my paw prints fade,

I will pray you keep me in your heart.

And as I leave I will not be sad,
I will hold you dear and true.
You are a miracle, a wonder, the best of the best,

It was an honour to be friends with you.

A you grow older, telling childhood tales,

I will be bless to know there I will be.

As you remember the laughter, adventures and fun,

When it was just Ginger Cat and me.

Much love

Ginger Cat

xxx

(in the video he also mentions Stompy, who was a monster who visited for a few weeks!)

Mothers Day - it's the little things

Mothers day is a funny old badger.  admittedly it is lovely to wake up with some level of expectation of a little help (unless your small one accidentally loads the Sky remote in the dishwasher or feeds the cat Ready Brek) but I always think that the heavy TV campaigns and the glossy, not so subtle Magazine adverts rose tint what can be a really tough day.

Though it is nice to think just for a second, that someone does appreciate you washing poo out of the carpet, stemming the nose bleeds at 3am and for simply not loosing your shit after helping do the same maths homework page for the past 3 months. It is even better to know you have a bonifide 100% excuse to be a tad lazy because it is printed on the calender (even if you know that no one else will lift a finger and you will work twice as hard tomorrow!)

It is an each to their own kind of day stemmed from tradition; but now we are a generation of click happy parents and it is so easy to use social media to show what we have been bought, to share videos of proud children delivering homemade cards and to pop up Instagram photos of the snot filled toast that has been dropped on the carpet 4 times before it appears as 'breakfast in bed'.  But I wonder if maybe, maybe we should keep some of this new age 'like and share' just for ourselves.  

We have forgotten that having something just for you makes it even more special than telling a computer screen how lucky you have been.  In our tech happy world we can be so eager to show others, to follow the trend or join the hashtag, we forget to think of the impact this day has on others.  

You never know if someone on your friend list is desperate to be a mummy and is struggling. Someone may never have the chance to become one... and it hurts, someone may have almost been a mummy this year but it never quite came to be.  Maybe someone feels they are not doing they best and suffering PND and the pressure to be perfect is just too much.  Maybe you have a friend struggling to come to terms with a child's diagnosis and this day makes them feel a failure, or it could be the first Mothers Day for someone without their own mother or indeed their child.

Maybe it is time for a little solidarity - that we keep a bit back, ponder if you really need to before listing the days events, showing the menu of the pub you have been taken to, or tagging your family to show their friends how they have truly nailed it this year.

This Mothers day you will find me at home, phone locked in a drawer.  I shall be hoping not for gifts but for small miracles such as going for a wee without the need to be shown a you tube clip of a cat or a drawing he did of a Viking Rocket (I kid you not!)  I shall be hoping that someone realises that the washing machine ON button is not worked via finger print recognition (this also applies for the iron) and that we do not own a Wallace and Gromit type 'bed making' device and that others can make them, after all it is always the little things that make a big difference...

And in that manner of thinking this Mothers day of course be proud, be grateful and feel so very loved, but maybe hold a little back for yourself... not only will the memories be extra special but a little thoughtfulness might make all the difference to someone you care about.